Parenting and Gratitude

Just a year ago we welcomed my first grandchild into the world. People told me that this would be the best thing to ever happen to me, and they were right. I’m in love! Beau, like his mom, my daughter Jill, did not have an easy journey getting here. We waited years for Jill, just as she and her husband waited years for Beau. You likely remember your child’s first year. You operated in a sleep-deprived fog, wondered if you were parenting the right way, doubted your instincts, wanted to protect your child from harm, and tried to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other while working and keeping the home fires burning. You might still be feeling this way! Parenting teens is no easy task!

“One reason for the increased stress in adults is described by sociologist Sharon Hayes as 'intensive parenting.' She defines this as 'child centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive.' She says that the new era of parenting is harmful to parents.„

In The New York Times podcast The Daily (October 9), Claire Cain Miller discusses a report from the surgeon general warning that parental stress has become a public health risk. The Parents Are Not Alright is a wake-up call. We’re all familiar with the decades-long warning that cigarettes are hazardous to our health. But being a parent is a public health risk? Isn’t this supposed to be joyful? It can be, but it’s also incredibly hard and stressful. 

One reason for the increased stress in adults is described by sociologist Sharon Hayes as “intensive parenting.” She defines this as “child centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive.” She says that the new era of parenting is harmful to parents. Many of us were led to believe the experts who suggested that our parenting instincts were wrong and that children needed guidance, supervision and engagement with adults at all times. Fear of allowing children to play alone, work through problems and just be kids seemed to be fraught with risk. Getting into the “right” college needed to be planned early and with precision and the exaggerated fear of any misstep could result in lifelong damage. The result of intensive parenting has caused alarming levels of stress. In the 70’s “parent” was considered a noun– something we were. In the 80’s it became a verb– something we do. Parenting became a job. 

I am concerned with the level of stress people are experiencing in their journey as parents. I am hopeful that together we can support a less intensive approach, one that allows us to balance the noun “parent” with the verb “parent.” There will always be things to worry about, but there is also so much to enjoy and be grateful for.

In this year at The Gregory School and in Tucson, I am especially grateful for:

• Our faculty and staff who arrive early, stay late and show up with caring hearts for our students. The passion for their work is palpable. I have never worked with a more talented group of people!
• Students who represent TGS in our community through service work and internships. Their care and compassion for others is a testament to the character that we value at our school.
• Athletic teams who practice and compete in our city, representing TGS with pride. They prioritize the team’s goals over individual accomplishments. They are led by coaches who embrace our focus on the “student-athlete.” Go Hawks! 
• Student artists who paint, draw, craft, sing, act, participate in musical performances and create beauty for others. The creative capital at TGS is not in short supply!
• Our Entrepreneurship program– TGS students are trailblazers with big ideas, the drive to solve problems and the confidence to build connections in our community.
• Our writers–  The ability to effectively communicate as a writer is a lifelong gift. Brainstorming, drafting, editing and refining work with the guidance and support of teachers and peer tutors in the Writing Center gives our students an advantage in preparation for their college and professional careers.    
• Our Explorations program that brings creativity and a bold approach to learning. It’s an experience that I wish students in every school could particpate in.
• Student leadership of clubs, Explorations, teams and projects. It’s impressive to witness the development of leaders. The future of our city is in good hands! 
• Our beautiful campus that is meticulously cared for by our outstanding facilities staff. I do not take for granted the work it takes to keep our campus in pristine condition.
• Innovators–  The opportunities students have in our FabLab are unlimited. If you can think it, you can create it. Our faculty challenge students to dream big!
• The Board of Trustees, alumni and community members who work to support The Gregory School and are committed to its continued success. They are invested in us!
• Our chef and dining hall staff who keep us happy and full. Teenagers are hungry people!
• Our Family Association Executive Committee and members. Our school is a better place because of their time, talents and treasures! 
• Our farmyard animals and the faculty, staff, students and families who care for them each day. I never realized how endearing a goat in a coat could be!
• Fall in Tucson with cool mornings, warm afternoons and sunshine– every day!
• Mountains, day trips, restaurants, animal life and other Tucson treasures. There’s so much to do!
• My husband David, my children, and yes, my heart– my grandson, Baby Beau!

 As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, I hope you will take time to breathe deeply (and exhale). Allow yourself time to be alone. Trust your parenting instincts. We need ‘the parents to be alright.’ 

Wishing you all a peaceful holiday filled with joy and laughter, surrounded by those you love.

With gratitude,

Amy